Of course, today it's been driving me crazy, which probably has a lot to do with the fact that I've been thinking about it constantly.
Eyes are a bit of a touchy subject for me, namely because I find them absolutely disgusting. Minority Report was a traumatic experience.
They're also a bit confusing from a medical standpoint. Do you go to your doctor when something is wrong? Do you go straight to your optometrist? What's the difference between an optometrist and an ophthalmologist anyway?
Eternal questions, really.
After gritting my teeth and bearing the torture that is self-administering eye-drops for two whole days, I decided to brave WebMD's symptom checker to get some ideas about what my first steps should be.
Folks who know me personally (as a bit of a hypochondriac), or professionally, can attest to the fact that I should really never use WebMD.
For the first time ever, the symptom checker didn't convince me that death was imminent. Probably because I just skipped over that entry that said "Shingles".
Feeling oddly comforted that this was something I could handle on my own, I stopped off at CVS before the gym this morning to pick up some different eye drops. While perusing the completely overwhelming eye-care section, I came across a nifty little package of eye wash solution.
It came with six little vials of eye wash, and a neat eye-washing cup. It was only $6. Clearly, it was the solution to my problem.
After I made this purchase, I realized that the vials contained purified water with a teeny-tiny bit of salt. How this is different than pouring a bottle of Dasani on my face, I'm not really sure.
Never one to be deterred by over-priced health remedies, I vowed to wash my eyes while I was getting ready for work.
After exercising and getting cleaned up, I stood at the sink in the very crowded locker room of my gym and dutifully poured half the vial into the eye cup and put the cup right up to my face.
This is where things began to go wrong and my pathetically fragile logic process began to show.
For reasons that remain unclear, I had assumed that the purified water would be staying in the cup and my eye would just be blinking it up.
Obviously, this $6 eye cup does not hermetically seal to one's face. Obviously, the Platonic Ideal of an eye cup does not create an air-tight seal, as that would probably be damaging.
Of course, neither of these things were obvious to me at 7 this morning.
Not until after I took that crucial last step of tilting my head back. I was focused so intently on rotating my eye like the instructions told me that I was completely taken aback as eye wash poured down my face and all over my shirt.
The upside is that I wasn't wearing silk, cashmere, or some other fabric that you might not want to pour water on.
The downside is that my eye still kind of hurts.
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3 comments:
Hi. First-time caller... (Half-hearted applause all around) :) I do understand your eye issues. I can't stand to do the visine thing. I am lucky to have good vision, because I couldn't stand contacts or anything of that sort. I feel your pain. Did you know that there is an ongoing fight between the optometrists and ophlamologists? I saw it on television so it MUST be true! Although I still cannot recall which one is which, one of the two can perform surgical procedures while the other can't, and there is possible legislation to allow the latter to do minor surgery to the chagrin of the former. It is a quandary...one in which I have no particular interest, but since the topic was raised, and it is after 2 a.m., it seemed perfectly relevant. Aside from all of that, I really like your blog and decided to follow it. It is quite witty, and I can relate to the akwardness. I may even have to write a little about that myself soon. Thanks for the laugh, and good luck with the eye...
I've had my share of eye problems and have seen both optometrists and ophthalmologists. Ophthalmologists have attended medical school and then specialize in that. Optometrists go to Optometry school (4 years). If you have a real serious problem hands down I'd go to Opthalmologist. I saw one after an emergency room visit because of a corneal abrasion. The abrasion was the result of some chronic dry eye I apparently have.
That whole cup system sounds very complicated. I usually just use eye drops. I have a special kind I can use while my contacts are in and when they are out I will just use artificial tears. Artificial tears are basically sterile saline, while Visine has some chemicals in it. Because of these chemicals you shouldn't use Visine very often, it isn't good for your eyes. However artificial tears you can use till the cows come home.
I know you're thinking "it's just water and salt" but it's sterile which is very important. Regular water shouldn't be used to wash out your eyes because it can have all kinds of pesky microbes in there.
Meaghan, for a second I thought it said "cornmeal abrasion." I subsequently found myself wondering why you had cornmeal so close to your eye.
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