Odds and ends

Apologies to the eight of you who showed up yesterday hoping for further insight into my awkward, awkward life. I was on my couch, nursing my sore throat and figured it was best to split my attention between the work I was doing from home and the awful music videos on VH1. Did you know that Christina Aguilera and Kid Rock are both still making music?

Anyway. My weekend was super. Thanks for asking.

Sunday night I called my parents to check in and get a bit of a pep-talk. My mom encouraged me to go shopping, because she is worried about the economy. I'm about to single-handedly bail out the Gap. Or maybe J Crew.

During our call, my mom also asked if she could set me up with Justin. While I did not immediately remember who Justin was, I considered that the other individuals my mother has wanted to set me up with include: her optometrist and an Italian waiter who works at a restaurant my parents frequent.

Obviously the answer was going to be no.

When my mom started talking about her gym, and her personal trainer, I recalled that Justin was the guy who tried to out-plank my mom and failed. In all fairness to him, my mom can do the plank for over 8 minutes. This confirms that I was adopted, just like my sister used to tell me when we were kids.

I asked, "Mom, isn't he like, a 35 year old ex-Marine with a buzz cut?" (No offense to Marines, 35 year olds, or people with buzz cuts, seriously)

"He's a former Army Air Marshal," my mother corrected, "And he doesn't have a buzz cut. And he's probably only 26."

Way to sell it, Mom.